Post by bd on Nov 25, 2003 0:21:14 GMT -5
I guess we will have to admit the Conservative/Orthodox were right all along about the affect of homosexual unions.
bd
NEWS OF THE FUTURE
Massachusetts Couples Divorce In Droves
May 28, 2004 (BOSTON) – After the highest court in Massachusetts formally decreed in a follow-up ruling that the state must immediately grant marriage licenses to homosexuals, heterosexual spouses wasted no time dissolving their own marriages in record numbers.
Bill Bennett, America’s beloved paragon of virtue, recently instructed that marriage by gays “hurts” heterosexuals because “it devalues the currency” of marriage.
Massachusetts heterosexuals apparently agree in spades. Huge lines formed outside Family Court offices across the state, as couples sought to file for divorce.
In interviews with these couples, there was widespread agreement that since an estimated 2% of all marriages would be between gays, the formerly sacred institution of marriage was incontrovertibly corrupted.
“Now that just any two people can get married, what’s the point?” shrugged Shannon O’Malley, 45 of Beverly. “It’s really lost its cache.”
Dorchester’s Mary Williams, 52, echoed the sentiment.
“You think I’ve stayed married all this time,” said Williams, “because of the belabored small talk over leftovers, and the thrill of scheduling time to watch that lame Jim Belushi show together?”
“Y’know when you’re in high school,” said 31-year-old Patrick Meany of Worcester, “and you’re at a party, and that loser kid Josh shows up, and all of a sudden you’re like, ‘Man, this party sucks,’”
“That’s what this is like,” Meany concluded. “Marriage now sucks. The gays killed the party. In fact, I think that Josh guy was gay.”
Sam Needleman, 53 of Ipswich, also had an epiphany after the ruling, but of a different sort.
“I was having typically lifeless, mechanical sex with my wife and I realized, I can totally do this with a guy now, and it will still be a marriage. I told my wife(I edited this sentence for "family reading"bd), ‘You can keep the house and the dog!’”
Victory in hand, Human Rights Campaign Executive Director Elizabeth Birch was unrestrained in analyzing the ramifications of the state court ruling.
“Marriage is ours! All ours!” said Birch. “You breeders will never have stable families, and gays will rule PTA meetings and school boards across the land! Ha ha ha ha ha
bd
NEWS OF THE FUTURE
Massachusetts Couples Divorce In Droves
May 28, 2004 (BOSTON) – After the highest court in Massachusetts formally decreed in a follow-up ruling that the state must immediately grant marriage licenses to homosexuals, heterosexual spouses wasted no time dissolving their own marriages in record numbers.
Bill Bennett, America’s beloved paragon of virtue, recently instructed that marriage by gays “hurts” heterosexuals because “it devalues the currency” of marriage.
Massachusetts heterosexuals apparently agree in spades. Huge lines formed outside Family Court offices across the state, as couples sought to file for divorce.
In interviews with these couples, there was widespread agreement that since an estimated 2% of all marriages would be between gays, the formerly sacred institution of marriage was incontrovertibly corrupted.
“Now that just any two people can get married, what’s the point?” shrugged Shannon O’Malley, 45 of Beverly. “It’s really lost its cache.”
Dorchester’s Mary Williams, 52, echoed the sentiment.
“You think I’ve stayed married all this time,” said Williams, “because of the belabored small talk over leftovers, and the thrill of scheduling time to watch that lame Jim Belushi show together?”
“Y’know when you’re in high school,” said 31-year-old Patrick Meany of Worcester, “and you’re at a party, and that loser kid Josh shows up, and all of a sudden you’re like, ‘Man, this party sucks,’”
“That’s what this is like,” Meany concluded. “Marriage now sucks. The gays killed the party. In fact, I think that Josh guy was gay.”
Sam Needleman, 53 of Ipswich, also had an epiphany after the ruling, but of a different sort.
“I was having typically lifeless, mechanical sex with my wife and I realized, I can totally do this with a guy now, and it will still be a marriage. I told my wife(I edited this sentence for "family reading"bd), ‘You can keep the house and the dog!’”
Victory in hand, Human Rights Campaign Executive Director Elizabeth Birch was unrestrained in analyzing the ramifications of the state court ruling.
“Marriage is ours! All ours!” said Birch. “You breeders will never have stable families, and gays will rule PTA meetings and school boards across the land! Ha ha ha ha ha